Things NOT to say to a grieving mama

You may have heard some of these attempts to comfort from people you know.  I sure hope not, but if anyone who hasn’t lost a child is reading this, it’s my hope you’ll take note.  People actually said these things (or things like them) to me/us. Please learn from our pain to be wise with your words or just hug your loved one instead of saying hurtful things.

• Just keep trying (… like you can actually replace a person, a baby)
• I’m crossing my fingers for good news from you next time we talk.
• You’ll be fine soon.
• I’ve had a few of those (miscarriages), too.  You’ll be ok eventually.
• Your baby is in a better place (…YES, but I am not THERE, yet!)
• Maybe the miscarriage was a gift given your (financial) situation.

There are many more things we heard and felt from people we trusted (and didn’t) and so my plea is for us to be silent if our words aren’t inspired by the God of all comfort.

May we instead:

• bring meals
• bring chocolate
• bring restaurant gift cards
• sit quietly with our friends in front of a movie eating popcorn
• make mementos of the little one’s life
• let our loved ones grieve the loss of their little one in whatever way they need to

“The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.”    Proverbs 18:21