man kissing woman's forehead white holding ultrasound photo

I choose to celebrate with others as they celebrate.  Especially babies.

Written a week after the D & C:

“My sweet sister-in-law is very pregnant and our other sister-in-law, our mother-in-law, my niece, my daughter and I threw her a baby shower… 2 days ago.

A friend said, “How can you possibly do that?  Won’t it be too hard?”  Not this time.

My sister-in-law lost a baby last year and she totally understands how I feel.  She has celebrated each of our 3 children’s births and mourned deeply with me over our 4th.  We rejoice and mourn together.  The shower was PERFECT.  It was such an honor to be there, to decorate, play games, talk about being a mama and new baby things, to pray over her and encourage her as the wonderful mama she already is.

Yes, I choose to celebrate and rejoice.  I choose life.

My baby is alive in Christ and in the arms of the One who loves that baby and my niece or nephew more than we ever could.  We will honor Him in this life by honoring the lives He’s given us to love, nurture and train.  And my daughter saw each moment of it.  She mourned and celebrated and learned.  Nothing swept under the rug there.  Just real life.  Chosen Life.”

Now the Update:

The shower was perfectly timed.  Our nephew arrived 5 WEEKS EARLY!  The week after the baby shower he decided to join the party early.  He’s adorable and totally perfect!  He’s healthy and strong and everything is going well.  I am so glad I didn’t decide to throw myself a pity party instead of celebrating my sweet sister-in-love and my enthusiastic nephew!

Celebrating others’ joys and accomplishments is part of the grieving process.  Being able to be with them in their joy and let the tinges of sadness come and go is important.  Our pain during those times lets us know we are still honoring our children while going forward in the relationships God’s given us here on earth.

7-years-later update:

Last year I realized that I never look at my sweet nephew and think how sad I am that I lost our little one about the same time he arrived. I never look at my sister-in-law with envy that she has hers and I don’t have mine. God’s grace totally swept over me during that time so long ago and I see both my nephew’s life and our baby’s life as a miracle. God knew what He was doing then and He still knows what He is doing. My nephew will be seven in a month and I rejoice over his life, giving thanks for what God has done.

I’ve gone to so many baby showers and little kid birthday parties in the last seven years. Sometimes there’s a twinge, but then I’m washed with gratefulness and peace. God is bigger than what we understand about time and “reality.” He created us to honor Him and celebrate the life He’s given us not mourn the one we thought we’d have. So, let’s celebrate, friend. Every chance we get. Let’s celebrate and, in doing so, we’ll honor God!

My Prayer for you:

My prayer for you is that you be like Moses and choose life for yourself and to encourage others to choose life.  You can read Moses’ challenge in Deuteronomy 30:19

A Prayer you Could Pray:

Dear Lord, I want to choose life.  I am so hurt by the death of my baby, but I want to live the life you’ve given me to the fullest.  Please help me celebrate others’ lives even when it hurts.  In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Things to Ponder, Journal, and Pray about:

  • Who is someone in your life who needs you to celebrate with them?  How can you make them feel special today?
  • A celebration I think will be hard will be the birth of a friend’s child who is due a week before our baby was due.  What is a celebration that might be hard for you and your family?  What can you do to make that celebration extra special for that person in honor of your baby’s life?
  • Talk to God honestly about your sadness and grief about the things you won’t be able to celebrate with this baby and about any jealousy or envy you feel about others’ celebrations.  He can heal all our hurts.

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