So. It happened… AND it was great. The due date has passed.
My amazing husband made sure I planned nothing all day long and we had lots of adventures – mini ones, creative ones, resting ones, mourning ones. I am not writing this so you feel bad about yourself or your husband for not mourning or celebrating “right,” but so you have some ideas of what to do to celebrate your little one’s due date. (Recently I’ve found quite a few posts/pins on Pinterest under “Miscarriage Remembrance and Miscarriage Due Date.” I can’t recommend all of them, but some of them are REALLY good).
I started my day with sweet cuddles from all three of my “bigs.” It was so precious. My husband made us a yummy breakfast then we got the 2 “bigs” off to school. Gramma watched the little one and we went to our favorite coffee place and then got super amazing Crossaint Doughnuts at The Donut House!
Then we went to one of our special places and made a memorial for our littlest one!
It reminds me of the story from Exodus 33:12-23 when Moses asks to see God’s glory. God tells Moses that He will pass His glorious presence by Moses and then He will cover Moses with His hand until He has passed by. God was protecting Moses from seeing His face because no one can see His face and live. People preach about how Moses got to see God’s back as He passed by, but I think I’d be looking at His hand… the hand of the God who loved Moses so much He protected him by covering over the crevice (or cleft) he placed Moses in.
We know our memorial isn’t a gravestone or eternally significant, but it reminds us that God has protected our child and she is with Him.
It was amazing. It was a beautiful time of prayer and a reminder of the God we trust.
Then we sat in the backyard and just visited for awhile before he introduced me to Baby Bear:
She’s just right – the right size and feel and everything… she’s dressed how I would dress her. My husband took our little guy to Build-a-Bear to give me something “new to hold” on our Due Date. All three of the kids picked her up and hugged her when they first saw her. The little man carried her around for quite awhile.
For lunch we went for some McDs comfort food. It was really good. I even got food I don’t normally get.
During nap time we watched some tv shows, at some candy, and relaxed together. After picking the Bigs up from school, we went for Slurpees. Then my amazing husband pulled out the craft he’d been planning for our whole family to do. We all painted a frame. The Bigs painted butterflies, my man painted the frame and I painted a dragon fly for the baby. We are going to take a family picture specifically for the frame. I am excited to see the completed project.
Then my husband who loves and knows me took me to my favorite restaurant – Red Lobster 🙂 and we feasted and celebrated! On the way home, we picked up a balloon to release for our littlest one. We think the baby is a girl, so we got a pretty pink flower.
We released the balloon and watched it until it was just a little dot in the sky. There is something so soothing about releasing a balloon into the sky towards heaven, entrusting our little one to God again.
It was a really hard day. Quite a few times of stopping and just crying in my husband’s arms or finding myself standing still looking off into the distance instead of getting things done. Each year the due date will be hard and also the date we found out our baby’s heartbeat had stopped. I don’t know what next year will be like, but, honestly, it’s nice to have gotten through this one. The gifts my husband gave me all day were priceless and will last as long as my memory (and this blog) does.
One of my sweet friends gave me some money so we could go out and celebrate the baby and also this beautiful necklace as a reminder of the baby and of God wanting to BLESS us not harm us. The verse on it is Psalm 115:15, “May you be blessed by the LORD, who made heaven and earth.”
Because of the decision my husband made to mourn and celebrate with me, I FEEL blessed.
It’s taken a long time… 8 months to be exact… to FEEL blessed and to really remember God loves me and He is FOR me. I kept singing it to remind myself, but I know getting through this day was part of the healing. He made everything – me, our baby, the world, everything. He knows best… even when I don’t.
My Prayer for you:
My prayer for you is that you will come to the place where you FEEL blessed even on the worst days ever. May He make them some of the best.
A Prayer you Could Pray:
Dear Jesus, I want to feel YOU, feel Your blessing and see the good you can make from this awful situation. I love and trust You. In Jesus’ Name – Amen
Things to Ponder, Pray, and Journal about:
- How do YOU want to mourn and celebrate your baby’s life on his/her due date or loss date? What do you need to do to make those things happen?
- Who is someone you would want to spend those special days with who can comfort you and help you keep or gain perspective? Start talking to that person (or people) and planning to be together on that day.
- Spend some time thanking God for your blessings…counting your blessings. It’s good for perspective and giving God the glory even in the midst of this horrible time.