Day 2 – Not Alone

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; He rescues those whose spirits are crushed. Psalm 24:18

Sometimes it bothers me that God is with me through all this pain and doesn’t DO something.  We found out on a Monday, February 9^th, that our baby’s heart wasn’t beating. My Nurse Practitioner gave us the option to not do anything but wait a few days and come back to either see a miraculous heartbeat or confirm that the baby really was gone.  We know the story of Jairus’ 12-year-old daughter who was dead and Jesus brought her back to life.  Mark 5:22-43.  

So, we prayed like mad.  We asked those close to us, and who already loved our baby, to pray for God to do a miracle and start our baby’s heart again.  When we arrived for our appointment on February 12th, it was confirmed that the baby was dead.  It was devastating.  We knew God COULD do this kind of miracle and, for some reason beyond our understanding, was choosing NOT to bring our baby back to life.  That was a Thursday.

After a couple of unsuccessful doses of meds that were supposed to help me “pass” (they should say deliver) the baby, we had to schedule a D & C surgery.  My strong mama body simply wouldn’t give up our sweet baby on its own.  God could have spared me the surgery and the consistent physical and emotional pain leading up to the surgery.  He chose not to.

Finally, He gently showed me in my spirit that He was protecting the baby from something.  I don’t know what that something would have been.  I had to believe I wouldn’t have wanted Him to bring the baby back to life just to lose our little one in 6 months or 2 years because the baby was not strong enough or healthy.  I finally had peace and it brought my husband a measure of peace, as well.

I choose to trust God.  I don’t understand why He took my baby too early.  I don’t know why I don’t even get to know if the baby is a boy or girl.  I don’t know why the timing was the way it was, but I choose to trust Him that He really DOES love that baby more than I do and has the best for that baby (and for me) in mind.  Sometimes I don’t like His best for a while.  I don’t actually have to for Him to love me and take care of me.

I still don’t like that I lost my baby, but I know my God can be trusted.  I know you can trust Him with your pain and loss, too.

I don’t know where you are in this baby loss journey. I do know that God has been with me and God has been with you, whether you feel Him or not. God had the best in mind for your baby and you don’t have to like it for Him to do what’s best for you. This stinks and hurts and makes me cry so much I can’t see clearly, but I want you to know you are NOT ALONE. I’ll write it again.

You are not alone.

I need it know it. You need to know it. Write this verse down and put it where you’ll be encouraged by it.

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; He rescues those whose spirits are crushed. Psalm 24:18

My Prayer for you:

My prayer for you is that God will show you He is with you and that He has your best in mind.

A Prayer you Could Pray:

Dear God, I want to believe you are with me and that you have my best in mind.  I want to believe that you had the best in mind for my baby, as well.  It is so hard to think your best is that we not be together right now.  Please be with me in this sad time.  In Jesus’ name, Amen

Things to Pray, Journal and Pray about:

• If you are mad at God about something having to do with the loss of your baby, tell Him.  Maybe it was the timing, that this isn’t your first miscarriage, that you feel ashamed, whatever it is, He can handle it.  Clear the air, sister.
• When people are brokenhearted, often advice comes quickly to “move on” to “try again” or to find a distraction.  This is not that time.  It’s not ok that your heart is broken, but it is ok to be brokenhearted.  Spend some time writing or praying about that feeling.
• Who is someone you know who is brokenhearted from any kind of situation that needs you right now?  Make some intentional time to soothe her/his broken heart even for a moment.  Maybe they need a note of encouragement, a gift card for a massage, or a trip to the movies (your treat).  Whatever it is – make sure it’s tailored for that person and not just to make yourself feel better :).