Today promised to be a busy one with digging our church truck out of the snow, teaching Sunday school, and starting a new discipleship training study for our church. And smack dab in the middle of all of it is the time my husband & I have set aside to celebrate the life of our littlest one.
5 years ago on this day, we found out our baby’s heart was no longer beating. This year has been a VERY baby focused year. On our baby’s due date, we had a baby dedication at church for 3 new little ones which brought new life into our church and into our family! It was a very bittersweet (mostly sweet) day. I’ve enjoyed getting to know these little souls and praying their mamas through all the good and hard parts of parenting their individual children.
2 of my closest friends lost their babies within the same month and I’ve been walking through the awful with them. It has been absolutely terrible, but I realize that I am hurting for them and not hurting for me. It’s encouraging to see myself moving forward.
My husband just sat next to me while I was writing this to you. We started processing more of our sadness together. He said some very profound words (as usual) that I am going to try to summarize:
People are afraid to move on because it means we leave that thing behind and close the door on what it was or what it means. Staying and not moving forward means we are stuck in it and aren’t going anywhere with it or doing anything with it.
Moving forward, however, means exactly that – forward movement. We aren’t stuck where we are or leaving it all behind. It means that we choose to move forward with it. It doesn’t mean we can’t continue to process, but we move forward in what God has next for us in and beyond this pain.
Walking with others is part of moving forward.
It keeps us from being stuck and paralyzed. It also keeps us from totally moving on and forgetting what God has done and wants to do with that pain or loss. It helps us grab someone else’s hand and help them move forward through their pain and loss as we are moving forward through our pain and loss.
Sometimes it feels as though we must help others through their pain, so our loss means something. I want to help as many people as I can in this awful club with me. It won’t bring back my baby, but the pain will be worth something, the suffering will have meaning, and the hurt will have purpose. The truth is the baby’s life, all our babies’ lives are worth everything and mean so much no matter who else we help. But what a gift we have to give others… comfort. We can comfort others the way God comforted us. We can walk someone else through their awful and give God our trust and sadness… and theirs.
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4
The righteous keep moving forward, and those with clean hands become stronger and stronger. Job 17:9
My Prayer for you:
My prayer for you is that God will show you whose hand to hold to keep you moving forward and to help that person move forward.
A Prayer you Could Pray:
Dear Jesus, Sometimes I don’t want to remember what and who we lost. It hurts so much and the void is still there. Sometimes I don’t want to think about anything other than the little one we lost. Please help me move forward from being stuck and not just move on. Thank you that mourning is a process not just a checklist and you walk with me every step of the process. In Your Name, Amen
Things to Ponder, Pray and Journal:
- What questions do you have with God about moving forward?
- What is something you would like to move forward into?
- Who is someone in your life who needs you to take her hand and help her move forward from a loss (of a child, a relationship, a job, anything that has caused her pain)?