Though I don’t normally write more than one devotional per “Remembering Day”, today was a day of thoughtful moments. My husband and I planned to go to lunch with our children after church and process with them a bit. Then we planned to let our heart balloon go. We have done this on the anniversary of finding out our little one’s heart had stopped beating each year. (It’s easy to find heart balloons because it’s the week before Valentine’s Day.) It’s a reminder to us that we give our baby to God and trust Him with all of our children.
Today it was snowing (if you zoom in to the top right picture with the sun, you can see the flakes), so I was concerned the balloon wouldn’t float, but my husband wasn’t. When we got back from lunch and our “bigs” were settled, we took the balloon to release it (just the two of us) and my husband prayed and thanked God for all four of our children. I mumbled a prayer (I feel very disconnected from my emotions today…) and we released the balloon. Because of the cold temperature it started deflating so I started getting even more nervous that it wouldn’t fly.
There’s this (weird?) thing I feel on this day each year. I don’t want any live plants, because I’m convinced I’ll kill them (but have no problem planting a garden in the spring…). However, I am grateful for the long stem rose and baby’s breath my husband got me (because it’s already been cut and will fade on its own – not my fault…). And I keep being afraid that the heart balloon won’t float away. It’s not because I want to move on not forward, but I think it is the symbolism of it all. I want to remind myself to continue to release the baby into God’s care by releasing the balloon. Now reading what I wrote it sounds like I want to do the work of releasing the baby instead of accepting that God already has our child. Another thing to work through, I guess.
ANYWAY, today, as you can see, the balloon got stuck in a tree. I stopped breathing and kept waiting and waiting for it to get unstuck. I was afraid it would get stuck and stay there as another reminder that we don’t have our baby anymore every time I looked up at the tree. My husband just stood there holding me as we waited.
Some days we just get stuck.
Some days are like that, sisters. Some days we just get stuck. We can’t move forward, we think about our loss, we feel our pain, and we just sit in it until God intervenes. That tree is about three stories tall. We do not have a ladder that tall for me to climb to pull that balloon out of the tree. I had no way to set that balloon free from its entanglement. God had to do it. I don’t remember silently praying anything other than, “Please, God. Please.” And then, suddenly, it broke free in the wind.
My brilliant husband thought to take pictures of this event for you ladies and said, “You need to write about this. You need to write about the times we feel stuck.” They will come. You will feel like you won’t be able to move forward, but God is always there with us leading us forward reminding us that He can get us “unstuck.”
My Prayer for you:
My prayer for you is that you will just wait on God in those moments. I pray you’ll ask Him to intervene and just stand there holding on and waiting for God to do what only He can.
A Prayer you Could Pray:
Dear Jesus, I get scared that I will be stuck in remembering and not trusting You to intervene. Continue to be my Rescuer, Lord. Continue to set us free from anything that entangles us and keeps us stuck when we are trying to be free and move forward in You. In Your Name, Amen
In my distress I prayed to the Lord, and the Lord answered me and set me free. Psalm 118:5
Things to Ponder, Pray and Journal:
- What questions do you have for God when you feel stuck or entangled?
- What is something you can do when you are waiting on God to set you free?
- Who is someone in your life who needs you to wait with her in a stuck place?