I watch. But nothing moves today. – My Many Colored Days By Dr. Seuss

8. Today is 8 years since we lost our littlest one. My husband and I set aside the day to mourn together and simply be together.

We got some hot drinks, shared a breakfast burrito, and started talking through some of our sadness. We set aside the day we lost the baby (February 9th, 2015) and the baby’s due date (September 2015).

Though it’s been 8 years, it’s a precious time together to remember our littlest one and be grateful to God for the life we get to live with our 3 older ones… the ones you can see.

Today was such a gray day outside and SO VERY COLD (high of 28 F), but it was sweet and there were silver linings to the gray clouds surrounding us.

Keeping our Vision Clear

God gives me insight through my husband each time we mourn and celebrate our little one. Today we both needed to pick up new pairs of glasses. He said something like, “Ever since we lost the baby, we’ve worked hard to see clearly through our circumstances. Today is the perfect day to pick up our glasses as a reminder for us to continue to keep our vision clear and trust God to lead us.”

So, so good. I’m blessed to be married to the wisest man alive. I want to Leverage that Wisdom to propel me forward through days like these.

When disaster strikes and we lose someone we love, we lose focus and often stray off the path illuminated before us by God. No matter what we endure, we need to keep our eyes focused to be able to see Him and what He has for us in the midst of it all.

The Red Balloon

We let our red balloon go as is our tradition. I thanked God for the proximity of our sad day to Valentine’s Day to have red heart balloons readily available for these moments. Seeing clearly.

It wasn’t just a gray day in the sky today. It was a gray day for 2/3 you can see. Missing our littlest one sometimes makes us even more attentive to our bigger ones. And today was a good day for that kind of extra time and attentiveness. God cleared our schedule for us to be together as a couple and to be prepared for the extra texts and calls from them in the middle of the day.

The Silver Grays

Looking in the mirror through my new lenses today, I caught the sparkle of my silver grays beginning to cover my head. It’s a new season. I choose not to hide my sparkles, because I’ve earned them. All the hard things I’ve endured, the sadnesses, the losses, the challenges I’ve overcome… each one is a silver gray. Each one a reminder I’m becoming wiser. Each one reminding me to trust the One who counts all those hairs and is caring for my littlest one while I can’t.

Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely 1 Corinthians 12:13.

My Prayer for You

My prayer for you is that when the days are gray you’ll see the silvers. I pray you’ll see yourself growing through all you’ve endured. I pray you’ll see God’s hand in helping you see clearly.

A Prayer You Could Pray

Dear Lord, Please help me the silver lining to all the gray that surrounds me. Please help me see clearly what You are doing beyond this sadness. I love You and need You! In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Things to Ponder, Journal, and Pray About

  • What is something you can do to change your gray perspective today?
  • Who is someone in your life who could use a silver lining to their gray day/week/month/year? What can you do to bring that silver lining to their day?
  • If you can’t seem to see past the gray surrounding you, talk with God about it. Journal all you’re feeling, go on a prayer walk with Him, or ask someone else to pray with you about how you’re feeling.