Today I read a chapter from a book I’m reading with a group called Hope for the Weary Mom: Let God meet you in the mess by Stacey Thacker and Brooke McGlothlin. If you are feeling weary as a mama and need some practical encouragement, this book is a great one to read on your own or with some friends you’ll be honest with!
I just read chapter 8, “When Life Hurts Too Much.” It was (no surprise) about miscarriage. It was so well written and so tender I was inspired to get back to this blog. It’s my goal to write at least a week’s worth of devotionals before our baby’s due date and there was a beautiful challenge to “Open Your Prayer Box” which for me is writing this blog for those of you who need it like I do.
At the end of the chapter there are some practical ideas from different mamas about honoring their babies. It was comforting to me that we’ve done a few of the things listed and there are plans for some special things on the due date September 15th.
I was reminded of how hard it was for me to pray (though I continued to do it) while I was waiting for the baby to be taken from me. I was so uncomfortable and my body kept fighting to keep that baby. When I finally had to resign to having the D & C, it was a relief, but I was angry with God that He didn’t just let me “deliver” the baby on my own. I was confused by contractions and pain.
People made it seem like “passing” the baby would be like having a period. It was definitely not. It was more like labor and I was hoping for at home delivery. It was so discouraging to me when God had me have the surgery instead. At the surgery, the Doc said I could just wait 2 weeks for it to happen naturally. I was nearly out of my mind after a week, I knew this was what I was supposed to do, but all of it was so discouraging. The nurses were good, the doctor was gentle, the anesthesiologist was a wiz, but I just didn’t want to be there.
I was so sad that the God who spared Jairus’ daughter was choosing not to spare mine. He made it clear to me one night that He WAS protecting our child from more pain and that seemed to bring my husband and I some comfort, but I was so sad. I was frustrated that God even gave us another child at all. I’d given away all my maternity clothes and was working on the kid clothes. I was settling in to having 3 and then He gave us 4 and then took (her) away.
It was a confusing time. I was sure I’d done something wrong – taken some medicine I shouldn’t have or sinned in some way I’d not repented for. I am convinced now that the baby was just ours for 9 weeks on this earth and then God took her to be with Him because He loves her more.
God loves us more.
He loves (her) more. He loves me more. He loves my husband more, my older three children more, everyone more… than I can. I would’ve chosen to have (her) with me, but He knows what that would’ve meant. A cancer battle and loss? A tragic accident? A still-birth? I can’t even imagine those pains, though. Sadly, some of you know them as reality not just imagination.
There’s a video version of Matthew West’s song, “More” that could be really healing to you. There are some scenes that might bring you pangs of sadness (someone holding tiny baby feet, a mama praying over her belly), so you may want to wait to watch it until you are ready to hear the message. BUT maybe now is the perfect time God has ordained for you to see and hear His love for you being MORE than your pain. Click HERE to watch the video on http://www.YouTube.com.
Here are some reminders of God’s love for you and for your baby:
Isaiah 41:10 Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Romans 5:8 But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
John 3:16 For God loved the world so much that He gave His One and Only Son that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.
Romans 8:35-39 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? As it is written, “For your sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.” No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
My Prayer for you:
My prayer for all of us is that we KNOW God loves us MORE even when we don’t feel it, that we KNOW that He loves our baby more, even when we are homesick for the time we didn’t get with our child.
A Prayer you Could Pray:
Dear Lord, I want to know and believe You love me even through the pain I am feeling. In Jesus’ name, Amen
Things to Ponder, Pray, and Journal about:
- Who’s the person in your life who has loved you the most tangibly? Remember, God loves you more than that person.
- What’s a way you can worship God for His love?
- Talk to God honestly about His love for you and your baby and your love for Him. DTR… Define The Relationship – where are you REALLY with Him?