Quilled feet

It’s today again. I can’t believe it’s been 4 years since we lost our littlest one. It feels surreal and like a story I heard someone else tell.

I’ve had a busy day, gone most of the day taking our oldest to a babysitting training class, lunch with an old friend, and lots of quiet work time. On our way, I had to pass the Doctor’s office where I had the D&C surgery. All this time later, it still makes me queasy. I have to take my children there for appointments at least twice a year and I don’t like it. It’s like being in a movie and I have flashbacks and can feel the pain, but God is with me and I’m getting stronger.

I came home to a red heart balloon, daffodils, and Mini Eggs. My sweet, tender, and thoughtful husband sure loves me. He’s off picking up my favorite cheese sticks from Pizza Hut and I’ll get to cuddle the “3 You Can See” while we watch a family movie.

Today seems so far away from that devastating day when our baby’s heart was silent. I feel quiet today. I am sitting, waiting and processing today because it is the right time to do so.

A couple weeks ago, I walked a friend through a tough situation. Her friend is dwelling, letting herself drown in the grief of having two miscarriages last year. My friend is pregnant and didn’t know how to tell her friend. She waited. She prayed. And she talked to her friend face to face and not via text or email. I am so proud of her. I am not thrilled with the uncontrolled crying she was met with and the stifled “I’m happy for you” as she was leaving my friend’s home with her two older children… her “not enough” children.

Ladies, we grieve… deeply and with our whole selves… at the right times and with the right people. And we rejoice when life is created even in the midst of our own pain and loss. It’s so good to grieve and process and be honest with how we are feeling. God can handle all of it. Hopefully, your husband can handle all of it.

But when a friend is afraid to tell you she is pregnant because it might devastate you… you miss out on celebrating life and walking with your friends through personal life change. Responding this way disconnects you from the life right in front of you!

This happened to me, too. One of my dearest friends was pregnant and didn’t know how to tell me she was having a baby because of how deeply I’ve mourned our little one. I realized when I saw her beautiful baby bump that I’d failed with her. I did a good job sharing sadness and hopefulness with others as I explained my feelings, but I didn’t do that with her.

When we were able to talk about it later, it was healing for both of us and I ADORE her little girl. She’s very special to me!

Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Romans 12:15

Today in the midst of mourning my little one, I am celebrating the lives of the three little ones on their way into our church family and the lives of my two pregnant friends’ children on their way. So today, as I mourn the life we lost 4 years ago, I celebrate the 5 new ones just getting started. There is always more to celebrate than to mourn. There is always a time to rejoice even in the middle of mourning. Celebrating with others helps your feet (and your family’s feet) move forward.

My Prayer for you:

My prayer for you is that you will be able to rejoice today with those who are celebrating no matter what stage you are in grieving your little ones.

A Prayer you Could Pray:

Lord Jesus, sometimes celebrating others’ lives stings. Please help me celebrate anyway, rejoice anyway, and praise You anyway! I love you. In Your Name, Amen

Things to Ponder, Pray, and Journal:

  • Who should you be celebrating today?
  • What can you do to let that person know you are celebrating with her/him?
  • What does God want you to do with your hurt and sadness today? Cry? Journal? Take a hot bath? Whatever it is, obey Him. Grieve deeply and then make the effort to celebrate someone else. It will relieve some of the pain, sister. Truly, it will.