Today is the due date our fourth was to be born 5 years ago. If you have been reading through this devotional, you’ve seen this picture before and you know this is a special remembering day for my husband and me.

Things have been crazy and busy around here with doing a hybrid schedule for my older children’s schooling. I marked my special heart on this day in the calendar, thought about it off and on, and my husband and I even talked about going to our special remembering place, but we almost overlooked it with all the craziness.

It’s not that we don’t think of our youngest or aren’t reminded of what might’ve been if (she) was with us now, it’s that we emote differently than we did five years ago. In our quarantine fog, we realized yesterday that today was the day. My amazing husband rearranged his work schedule to take our family to lunch and then we hiked to our special spot. We couldn’t go there last year due to the weather, so we wanted to try today.

We must be deliberate in remembering our loved ones as time goes on.

On our way, my husband remarked that it was a cool spiritual connection that in order to go to our special place, it takes a lot of work. It is a deliberate decision to go, a plan for how and when to go, a sacrifice to make arrangements for our children’s care, and physical work to get there. We can’t just go to the basement where we have a shrine and, because of the work it takes, we can’t be dominated by mourning. We choose specific times, dates, and places to feel the full vent of our sadness and loss. We have to work to get there. I know I’ve written about this before, but it’s more tangible right now.

Being loved by and saved by God is His work. There’s no work that needs to be done for those things to exist. We love, miss, and long for our little one. There’s nothing that changes those realities.

To stay connected to and grow in our relationship with God, it takes work. We must make the daily decision to follow Him, to live for Him, and to become like Him. Making the decision to sacrifice time and energy to grieve and remember our little one is work. And it’s worth it.

The nice thing about the craziness of this year is that I didn’t have time to dread feeling the sadness over losing the baby. When we talked about it, we realized that both of us would have been ok to just acknowledge the day and continue to get things done. But we decided it was important to make the time and as we sat encouraging and listening to one another, we were reminded of the importance of the decision to set aside time remember together.

Sometimes it’s a burden I forget I carry until something triggers me (seeing a family of 6, kindergarten registration notices, and when the rest of the family partners up and I’m walking behind them without a little hand to hold). But each time I’m reminded of the void and missing puzzle piece, I give that burden back to the Lord to carry. He cares for us no matter what we’re dealing with, no matter how sad we feel.

Give your burdens to the Lord, and He will take care of you.
He will not permit the godly to slip and fall.
Psalm 55:22

My Prayer for you:

My prayer for you is you will continue to be deliberate in remembering your little one and being united with your husband, trusting God as you move forward deliberately together.

A Prayer you Could Pray:

Dear Jesus, I don’t always want to make the time to remember the pain of our loss. Please carve the time out for us to remember and be together in our sadness no matter what else is going on around us. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Things to Ponder, Pray and Journal:

  • Think through (or journal about) a time you were deliberate to remember instead of letting an anniversary or special time slip by.
  • What is one thing you could do to grow closer to God this week?
  • Who is someone in your life who needs you to come alongside her and encourage her to be deliberate in remembering a lost one?