But you, O Lord, are a shield around me;
You are my glory, the one who holds my head high. Psalm 3:3

The number 3 is highlighted for me this week. 3 years ago today, we found out that our littlest one’s heart had stopped beating. This week 3 different friends from 3 different walks of life have asked me to remind them how to get to this website for a friend.

My prayer is that each of those women who are loved by my friends will be encouraged and helped by this devotional and find healing from our Savior on these pages.

A good friend texted me this morning that she’s praying for me… after 3 years she remembers that this is a tender day for me. What an amazing gift.

Honestly, I was trying to not let today hit me. My sweet husband planned to take the day off to be with me but didn’t want to tell me so he could protect my heart before our preset mourning time. We are trying to not let the mourning overtake us on times where God has other things and people for us to focus on. But on our days of mourning – the day we lost the baby and the baby’s due date, we set aside time to celebrate that sweet little life and mourn together. I don’t know how long we’ll set aside that time. It may turn into simply mentioning our baby in a prayer of thanks, but for the last 3 years we have set aside most of each day to just be together and think of our littlest one.

I have friends desiring to have children (or more children) and my heart aches for them. I long for their hearts’ desires to hold and nurture a little one to be answered with a heartbeat and long life.

I am 41 now and am really enjoying the life God has given us and the life stage we are in. There is much to be done and my arms do not feel empty today. My youngest son, my #3, came and cuddled me awake this morning (though I DID NOT want to get out of bed and face the sadness of today). He could tell I was sad and said, “Mama, I will tickle your sadness away.” And he did :). I am sad for you amazing ones who long for mornings like mine and I pray, again, that your prayers for a child you can hold will be answered.

On this day of sadness and reflection, my prayer for myself is that I will just sit in missing my littlest one and missing out on all the fun and challenging 3-year-old things in this lifetime. I pray that I will be able to just be sad and then think of all the things my child will miss – sickness, sin, heartbreak, loneliness and then remember that (she) is in the arms of our Savior not feeling the sadness of longing or missing me. That is a soothing, healing thought for me.

My Prayer for you:

My prayer for you is you will be able to think about thoughts and realities that lighten the pain and longing. I pray that today you are reminded of the joy and hope of seeing that little baby one day. My prayer is the hope of what’s to come will help you keep moving forward in what God has for you here and now.

A Prayer You Could Pray:

Dear Jesus, I don’t like this loneliness and sadness, but I am grateful for the little life You’ve given me to celebrate.  Please bring to mind all the things I can rejoice about in thinking of my little one. Be my Shield, Lord, and hold my head high… focused on looking at up at You and not down at my sadness. In Jesus’ Name, Amen

Things to Ponder, Pray and Journal:

  • What are at least two things you can rejoice about for your little one?
  • How would you feel most comforted in this time? What can you do to surrender that desire to God and let Him comfort you in His way today?
  • Is there someone in your life today who is experiencing sadness, mourning, sickness or is simply in need of some extra encouragement? What can you do to bring some joy into that dear one’s life today?  (Ideas – bring her some flowers, send her a card, text her some encouragement, drop a candy bar bouquet to work, take her to the movies)