woman in red top sitting on bench
Picture by @fikrirasyid

At a Writer’s Conference a couple weekends ago, God placed me in a small group with two powerful and amazing women. Both of them lost babies. I shared this site with them and I hope they’ll use it to process losing their children.

A few days after that, I had tea with a friend and we realized that we share the same lost due date. So this day is special to both of us. We both lost babies at 8-weeks that would have been born on September 15th. That’s no coincidence, sisters. My friend could live in Florida where I’d never meet her or connect with her as friends, but God planted her right next to me. What a gift to be able to share this sadness together.

This hideously, awful club is SO large, too large. There are so many of us who have lost our babies and need to process our loss.

I wish (she) was here. If she missed the cut off for entering kindergarten, (she’d) be starting kindergarten this year… or (she’d) be in 1st grade. She’d be 6. I can almost hear her laugh on the playground at school.

That thought just quieted me for a moment. Though I don’t know what (she) would choose to play at recess or which clothes she would choose, I DO know that God protected (her). Whatever the reason, He had (her) best in mind… and mine, too. And my friends who lost their babies, too.

I can’t fathom it. I honestly don’t want to. I must leave (her) and them in God’s hands and just be here in The Trusting Place.

There are two family pictures we have hanging in our room that show the gap (she) would fit in. I feel a pang in my heart when I see them. Then I look to the left and the right at (her) siblings’ and realize I have who I need and so do they. I must focus on caring for them not longing for who God has waiting for me. I can look forward to meeting (her) and anticipate the joy we’ll feel, but I need to be here in The Trusting Place with them.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6

My prayer for you is that you will sit in The Trusting Place with me, in the quiet and release to Him all your disappointments and “what ifs”. I pray you’ll take a breath and know deep in your heart that He loves you and loves your child more than you can fathom.

A prayer you could pray:

Dear Jesus, Please sit with me in this place. I do trust You (or want to) that you know what’s best for all those I love and for me. Thank You that you are beyond my understanding, and You love me enough to be with me here. I love You. I trust You. In Your Name, Amen

Things to Ponder, Journal, and Pray about:

  • Who’s the woman across from you at the park, the one who’s in our club and needs someone to be with her? Pray for God to sit her next to you so you can do this together.
  • How are you feeling RIGHT NOW? Tell God. Our emotions inform us that there’s something wrong that needs to be dealt with. They’re not meant to control us, but if we can name them, we can manage them.
  • Say or write a prayer about The Trusting Place and where you see God in that place with you.